So my second oldest daughter, who is two-and-a-half, is a big cry baby. Her solution to everything is to cry. Cry, cry, cry. I tell her to sit at the table; she cries. She can't get her sock off; she cries. Her baby sister takes her toy; she cries. I tell her the milk is all gone; she cries. Her older sister tells her to do anything; she cries. It's not her turn yet; she cries. It's time to pick up toys; she cries. I remove a fork from her hand; she cries. She has to take one bite of her food; she cries. You get the idea. She cries, she cries, she cries. And it's not like she whimpers. She cries like someone chewed off her arm. I have tried a variety of tactics to get her to stop this behavior. I've ignored it. I've had her stand in the corner. I've tried to teach her to use her words. I've had her repeat whatever it was that made her cry until she does it without crying. I've cried with her. I've encouraged her to cry louder (as if she could!), for reverse psychology's sake. I've sprayed water on her face. This one is by far the most effective because it's startling and she immediately forgets what all the fuss was about, but it's hard for me to carry the spray bottle everywhere. And I'm mildly opposed to treating her like a cat. Any other ideas? I'm afraid of what she'll end up like at school, or at a music lesson, or on a sports team, when someone asks her to do something, she struggles, and then the tears flow, as if that's the solution. Any ideas on how to teach her to stop this behavior?
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Ideas for a Cry Baby
So my second oldest daughter, who is two-and-a-half, is a big cry baby. Her solution to everything is to cry. Cry, cry, cry. I tell her to sit at the table; she cries. She can't get her sock off; she cries. Her baby sister takes her toy; she cries. I tell her the milk is all gone; she cries. Her older sister tells her to do anything; she cries. It's not her turn yet; she cries. It's time to pick up toys; she cries. I remove a fork from her hand; she cries. She has to take one bite of her food; she cries. You get the idea. She cries, she cries, she cries. And it's not like she whimpers. She cries like someone chewed off her arm. I have tried a variety of tactics to get her to stop this behavior. I've ignored it. I've had her stand in the corner. I've tried to teach her to use her words. I've had her repeat whatever it was that made her cry until she does it without crying. I've cried with her. I've encouraged her to cry louder (as if she could!), for reverse psychology's sake. I've sprayed water on her face. This one is by far the most effective because it's startling and she immediately forgets what all the fuss was about, but it's hard for me to carry the spray bottle everywhere. And I'm mildly opposed to treating her like a cat. Any other ideas? I'm afraid of what she'll end up like at school, or at a music lesson, or on a sports team, when someone asks her to do something, she struggles, and then the tears flow, as if that's the solution. Any ideas on how to teach her to stop this behavior?
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10 comments:
No advice, sounds like you've tried everything. I'm thinking it's something she'll slowly grow out of? She might still be sensitive when she gets older but hopefully she'll discover better, more productive ways to deal with it.
Good luck!
She has gotten a little better with time. At least, the crying doesn't last as long as it used to (because there's a consequence if it does). I feel like there ought to be an obvious answer, and I'm just missing the boat.
i have a girl about the same age and i can see a change in here behavior if she has lost sleep or she is getting a new tooth. It comes in waves for her. hope she gets better soon. i know how crazy it can make you! good luck
You know Robyn... I think some kids are just more emotional. Don't you think it could be a phase that she's going through right now? Just because she cries over everything right now doesn't mean she's going to be like this when she's in kindergarten. I have 13 grandkids, and I can tell you that some definitely cry more easily than others.
She sounds super frustrated to me.
My youngest girl has been doing this also. I just tell her (very politely) that she needs to go somewhere else if she's going to cry, like to another room, so we don't have to listen to it. I tell her if she wants to stay here with us, she needs to stop crying. Then, when she stops, we can talk rationally about why she is upset. It works 90% of the time.
I used to send her to her room to cry it out, but I'd have to send her away so often, that it seemed like she'd spend her whole day in her room. And for sure, the more tired she is, the less able she is to cope with her emotions. That's when I do send her to her room, so she can rest and wake up a happier child.
She really is a more emotional child, and I think she's frustrated, too. Her sisters are assertive and aggressive, and she's timid and passive, so they walk all over her. We work on this. I try to teach her to stand up to them (and teach the other ones to be nicer), but it's just not in her nature to stand up for herself (just like it's not in her sisters' natures to think of another's feelings). She's gotten better at this. She's learned to glare (it's amazing to me that this had to be taught), and to say no.
I tend to not think it's a phase because she's displayed this kind of behavior since she was six months old. Back then it was cute and funny because she was SO little and her reaction was larger than life. She'd polish off an eight ounce bottle, and when she realized it was all gone, she would cry like you wouldn't believe! It was like a party trick, because she would do it without fail. She continued with this when she was older, but with canned baby food. I would feed her until she was bursting, and when I showed her that it was all gone, she'd come unglued. I do think she goes through phases in regards to WHAT makes her cry. That changes. Food isn't such a big factor anymore. But so far in her short little life, she has always reacted to any frustration with excessive tears.
And yet, she doesn't cry at appropriate times, like when she smacks her head against something and has every reason in the world to have a good cry. She'll wail over an emotional pain, but if it's a physical pain, she holds it in (which I think she feels she has to, like ALL crying is forbidden). It's so strange to me that she has control over herself when it's physical, but no control when it comes to emotions. And it's not like she doesn't know any better. If her sisters cry, she chimes right in, telling them not to, as if she's the expert (which I guess she is, since we've had so many talks about it). Silly girl.
It's definitely a mystery to me, and perhaps this IS just the way she's going to be. There are worse things to have to deal with.
I had a psychiatrist tell me that of the hundreds of babies he's observed in a hospital nursery... there are those that are mellow and can self-soothe, while others are flailing around... and screaming. I was probably one of those flailing around, crying babies. I was a needy child! My kids might even say I'm a needy adult. I LOVE to give and receive affection, while other people probably think it's overrated. I am a snuggler. I'm a touchy-feely person... and you know that not everyone is that way!
Although I'm no expert at a LOT of things, sometimes I feel like I am an expert on anxiety... being a sufferer of it, myself. Okay, I'm no expert... let's just say I've had a lot of experience.
Back to what the doctor told me about babies in the nursery. I believe that we all come to this earth with different dispositions. Some children are naturally happier, while others are not. Some are more aggressive, while others are not. Children from the same families, with the VERY SAME upbringing will have completely different perspectives of their childhood.
Having us all be different is what makes life colorful and exciting, right?
I totally agree, April. Before I had kids, I used to think that personalities were comprised of 10% nature and 90% nurture. Boy did I have it wrong. I'm lucky if I can have even 10% of in influence in my kids' personalities and dispositions. My kids are the way they are largely because they were born that way. That especially hit home after having my third. She's naturally the most wonderful, happy, easy, animated child, and there's nothing I did to cause that. It's just the way she was created. And I'm so grateful, because I feel like I've had to put up with more than my fair share with my oldest. I deserved a reward!
Ruth is a really affectionate, snuggly, needy girl. I can hold her for a half hour before she even thinks about getting down to play. My other kids last about 5 seconds. And she goes to extremes to give me hugs and kisses, like when I'm in the middle of changing the baby's diaper. She just doesn't see the problem with smothering me with affection when I'm wiping poo from her sister's butt cheeks. She's a funny girl, and actually, quite the clown. She'll do anything to make someone laugh. She's really in tune to her emotions and the emotions of others. She's a pleaser.
Robyn, I think it is just who Ruthie is. You know me, I am emotional, I can cry for anything and normally do. You however are not, I have seen you cry one time in my life. So I think she will grow out of it a little, but she is just emotionally in tune with herself and that is how she expresses herself. There isn't anything wrong with being emotional, crying at anything can be annoying. I am not that annoying but some days boy can I cry at anything!
I was going to say the same thing that you said about Ruthie. People who are emotional and sensitive, are usually very sensitive to other people, too! I have always looked at myself like a two-sided coin. There are the things in myself that I may consider weaknesses (for lack of a better word), but the flip-side is the good stuff that goes with the other side. Does that make sense?
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