Just wanted to survey how many of you regularly go on dates with your husbands.
For no good reason we rarely do and I've been thinking for awhile that that needs to change.
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12 comments:
We have it set up so a babysitter shows up every Friday night at 5:30. It's a big chunk of change, but money very well spent, I love it!
I know I'm not a person you all know but I love your blog and had to also on this. I love date night and if it wasn't for my husbands parents great example I don't know if we would've been doing it for the last 12 years like we have. We don't always get a sitter because the cost does add up but we swap. In the past we swaped with 5 other couples and once every five weeks it was our turn to watch all the kids. Crazy when its your turn, but free babysitting four other fridays. Now I swap piano lessons for babysitting and I'm sure anyone can get creative with swaps. But I highly recomend it, sorry I kind of went off.
Nope. NO dates here. Sometimes it has to happen because of a birthday party or wedding receptions. We do, however, go on trips just the two of us ( like on the airplane for work). Those are fun.
We go on dates often, but irregularly. Our problem is that there aren't many young girls (who are the cheapest to hire) who can handle three kids, three years and under. So basically our best option is to go out after we've put the girls to bed (after 7:00), and the babysitter only has to keep an eye on our ten-month-old who doesn't go to bed until later. But the whole babysitter thing is a huge headache for me. My house is always on the verge of disaster, so I have to do a bunch of cleaning beforehand (not unlike every other day, though). Our ten-month-old nurses, so I have to thaw some breastmilk and get the bottles ready and make sure the sitter knows not to microwave them, and then I either have to take a pump with me and find some time and privacy to use it, or take the hit over the next few days with a lower milk supply for skipping a feeding or two (which sucks). I really struggle with time constraints, like having the girls IN BED by 7:00 type of thing (dinner, baths, teeth brushed, pjs, diapers, etc., multiplied by three - and not even one of my kids can do any of these things themselves). It takes me practically all Saturday long to make sure I've got all my ducks in a row to be on time for 9:00 church (I've got no help Sunday morning because my husband has bishopric meeting), so it's a similar headache to prepare for someone else to take over my job for a few hours while we're on a date. It sure takes the fun out of ordinarily fun things (bathtime, prayers, etc.) to have a deadline. If the kids are being uncooperative, it's usually no big deal, but if there's a deadline, uncooperativeness changes everything. It makes me angry at my kids, and I hate putting them in the scenario where I'm angry at them simply for being kids. I like dates, but the fun of a date doesn't outweigh the headache of preparing for a babysitter. I'd say the date only neutralizes the stress of the preparation, if that makes any sense. So I'd be just as happy staying home. But my husband really needs the dates (he likes not having to share me with our kids every once in a while), so I do it for him. Now, if I had family in town, like a really AWESOME mom, who loved to be with my kids and was competent and totally willing and eager to watch my kids for a few hours once a couple times a month, it would be totally different. It could be a casual thing where I wouldn't be worried about a babysitter on the clock, and having my house in an organized manner for the babysitter to navigate, and not worrying about the safety and happiness of my kids, and such.
Hmm. I think I've totally gotten off track. I think the answer you're looking for is, yes, we go on dates about two or three times a month. But now you know the rest of the story...
We go on dates pretty regularly. The university my husband works for has lots of fancy dinners or free movies, etc., that we go to. The babysitting isn't too much of a headache here because I belong to a babysitting co-op. If you ever thought about starting one I totally recommend it.
So in our co-op there are about 12 families that each have anywhere from one to four children. Everyone buys into the co-op when they first join at $25. That buys you 12 babysitting hours. You spend hours when someone in the co-op babysits for you. You earn hours when you babysit for someone else. The beauty of it is that you don't have to try and work out an even swap with the same person that babysat for you. Also, after the initial buy in, it is completely free. So if I go out with Collin for three hours and Michelle babysits for me I spend 6 hours and she earns 6 hours at the same time. The reason it works that way is because the first child is worth 1 hour/hour and each additional child is worth .5 hours/hour. So whenever anyone babysits for me they earn 2 hours/hour that they sit. I like to babysit for Martha (at night when her four rambunctious kids are about to go to sleep). Since she has four kids, I earn 2.5 hours/hour and usually she goes on LONG dates. Once I earned 16 hours in one evening. You can also earn an extra hour if they stay out past midnight. When you sign up you give all your info like who your doctors are, if you have pets, children's medications/allergies, cell phone numbers, emergency numbers for neighbors and everyone in the co-op has this information. We meet once a month as a group to schedule sits. You can also send around a mass email to the group to troll for sits or in desperate times, we'll call each other. It works out really well. I have been in it for a year and I love it. We have saved so much money by belonging to the co-op that we can actually go to dinner AND a movie sometimes. I feel Robin's pain about the cleaning before a sitter comes, I do sometimes feel like the amount of preparation does not equal the pleasure of the date.
That's really cool, Tara. I've never heard of such a thing. So you leave your kids with your husband and go to the house where your babysitting duties are? And are there ever kids nobody wants to swap babysitting for? I'd be worried nobody would dare watch my oldest and I'd be watching other kids and raking in the hours, but can't get anyone to watch my kids. And where does the money go and what is it for?
I like that idea too Tara. That sounds like a great plan. I would too like to now what the $25 goes too?
However, I am not one to go on dates with my husband often and he isn't particular to dates either. I am happy when he comes home and we spend time together with dinner or watching a movie. Because I do have to work, I choose to not go on dates and take my child to my mom's or a sitter. I have her in Preschool for 7.50 hours so I can't in my heart do this. Once I went to a rosary with my husband and left her at my in-laws for 45 mins. It was cold out and we had to stand outside because the church was too packed. Also, I didn't want her to be around a deceased person (this person happened to be very young, it was very unfortunate) so that is the only time we did that. I have a huge amount of guilt when I leave her at preschool where she learns and grows and plays with kids her age so I don't feel comfortable leaving again. I know it is very crucial to have a bond with my spouse however, we are both comfortable with this right now. IT may very well change too when she is older!
We usually get out of the house a couple times a month. Not as regular as Ben and Chelsea but often enough to spend some one on one time with the hub.
So we talked about it and we've decided to add date time with each other AND with our kids to our schedule. Dave regularly takes Kendall on Daddy daughter dates and she LOVES them. Now that Gage is a little older and the idea of taking him somewhere without me doesn't terrify him, Dave's going to start taking him out too. So each week, like Sat afternoon, he'll take one out and I'll take the other and we'll switch kids the next week. And Saturday night will be ours. We will probably do a lot of home dates to avoid the babysitting issues but that's fine, we're homebodies anyway. I feel like it's the attention and closeness I crave. I don't care what we're doing.
I think the money goes for any events we have. Once a year we have a dinner/picnic and I think the money goes to purchase food for that or if someone hosts the monthly meeting they can use the buy in money to get snacks or wine or soda for the meeting. It is really weird, but it seems like everyone here drinks a lot. I have been scrapbooking, to a babysitting co-op meeting, etc., and they always had wine there. It certainly doesn't bother me when other people drink, I guess I was so used to Utah where the PTA meetings didn't serve wine.
Now Tara... that might have people (like me) a little concerned. You say "It seems like everyone here drinks a lot." How do you know they're not drinking while they're watching your kids? Or SUPPOSED to be watching your kids?
Well, unless they are BTOB (bringing their own booze) to my house, which I think I would notice they are not drinking. Plus, about 90% of the time, the other LDS lady in the babysitting co-op watches my kids. I don't think people (at least in the co-op) would drink while they were responsible for other people's kids. The co-op meetings do not usually have any kids in attendance either. Don't worry, I am more paranoid than you are about my kids. I wouldn't let any boozers watch them.
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