My oldest daughter (3.5 years old) hates to see the doctor. She doesn't want strangers touching her. She remembers the shots. She doesn't want someone looking in her eyes and ears and mouth. It's almost too much to even ask her to stand on the scale, but she will, reluctantly with a bribe. But that's about the limit of her cooperation. The last time she needed a vaccine, she pulled the needle out of her leg and threw it at the nurse (it was impressive, but not shocking, although the nurse sure didn't see it coming). To say that she makes a scene is a huge understatement. This is just the way she is and she's always been that way. I would like her to see the dentist (I think she needs it, given that she makes it extremely difficult for ME to brush her teeth), but I fear things will be even worse than the well baby visits. I have a friend who is a dental hygienist for a pediatric dentist and she has tried to convince me that these people are really good at what they do, and they would know how to handle my daughter (hmm...). She says that kids who are three years and older leave their parents in the waiting room and see the dentist by themselves. I'm pretty against that idea, not just because it would be traumatic for her (they'd have to drag her), but also for safety reasons. But even if I'm with her, what would they do for a child like mine? There's no way she'd be cooperative even for an x-ray. I'm thinking they'd have to knock her out completely just to get a glimpse at her teeth. Does anybody have experience with difficult children at the dentist? What can they do? And if they have to dope her up, is that safe?
Monday, September 29, 2008
Potential Nightmare
My oldest daughter (3.5 years old) hates to see the doctor. She doesn't want strangers touching her. She remembers the shots. She doesn't want someone looking in her eyes and ears and mouth. It's almost too much to even ask her to stand on the scale, but she will, reluctantly with a bribe. But that's about the limit of her cooperation. The last time she needed a vaccine, she pulled the needle out of her leg and threw it at the nurse (it was impressive, but not shocking, although the nurse sure didn't see it coming). To say that she makes a scene is a huge understatement. This is just the way she is and she's always been that way. I would like her to see the dentist (I think she needs it, given that she makes it extremely difficult for ME to brush her teeth), but I fear things will be even worse than the well baby visits. I have a friend who is a dental hygienist for a pediatric dentist and she has tried to convince me that these people are really good at what they do, and they would know how to handle my daughter (hmm...). She says that kids who are three years and older leave their parents in the waiting room and see the dentist by themselves. I'm pretty against that idea, not just because it would be traumatic for her (they'd have to drag her), but also for safety reasons. But even if I'm with her, what would they do for a child like mine? There's no way she'd be cooperative even for an x-ray. I'm thinking they'd have to knock her out completely just to get a glimpse at her teeth. Does anybody have experience with difficult children at the dentist? What can they do? And if they have to dope her up, is that safe?
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6 comments:
Sevrie had a horrible first dentist experience. I won't really go into it but all I can say is that not all children's dentists are good children's dentists. And I have never heard of parents not being able to go into the room. Demand going in. How will you child feel safe otherwise?
I did however find a fantastic family dentist who is fabulous with children. I was referred by a friend who took her daughter there. He happens to be a neighbor of mine too. But they offer a "happy visit" where you just take a tour of the office, meet the staff, grab a goodie out of the toy chest, and if your child is willing, the hygienist counts her teeth or simply looks into her mouth. I had Sevrie in my arms the whole time. They will do whatever your child is willing to let them do. You slowly work your way in, so maybe your next visit will just consist of counting teeth. Their main goal is to gain the child's trust.
Sevrie had two cavities filled, and one was a pretty bad where they had to give her a numbing shot. She tends to be pretty scared about these things so the fact that she still doesn't mind going means a lot.
Do your research. Ask around and get referrals from friends. And don't let your child be alone. She needs you there to feel safe. If the dentist doesn't allow this, then maybe you should find another one. You need to feel comfortable about this experience too.
So my advice is to take baby steps. Ask if you can have a "happy visit." Feel the place out for yourself and see what kind of vibe you get. See how they treat your daughter. Are they loving and caring and sensitive to her needs?
Good luck!!! Let me know how it goes.
Last year we took Ollie and Lily to the pediatric dentist and Lily did not want to lay in the chair or have anyone put anything in her mouth. Ollie did okay for a brief cleaning but gagged every time they tried to take an x-ray. They could see a couple cavities on the surface of his molars and they sedated him to take care of those. While he was out they did the x-rays on all his teeth. I don't like seeing my kids like that (out of it), but I don't know if it would have worked any other way. Justin came with me and he is always very good about having any doctor double-check dosage and ask questions along the way. It all went fine and we're past due for another visit. Now my brother-in-law is a pediatric dentist (maybe Britney can give us some helpful info on the subject) so we're planning a trip to visit them and have him check out the kid's teeth.
I agree with Stephanie about asking around. That is the best way to find a dentist that you and your child can feel comfortable with. And she's also right that pediatric dentists aren't always the ones best with kids. I have heard horror stories about it so I was worried to take my kids, but luckily there was a new kids' dentist that just opened an office and everyone on the staff was GREAT. And it turned out that I knew the dentist from years ago, so that helped. They had flat tables that the kids lay on with a flat screen TV attached to the ceiling above them playing cartoons and then they give them headphones to listen. My kids hardly noticed someone was messing in their mouth. It was so clever I thought. But they did let the parents go back for check-ups.
But unfortunately Will had 4 really bad cavities that needed root canals, so we had to come back a few weeks later to fix them. We opted to have him sedated because it was going to take so long and be quite painful. Honestly, I was terrified because all the stories, but the staff was really reassuring and happy to explain what I should expect. First, while we were in the waiting room, they gave him a little drink that made him sleepy, but didn't knock him out, then when it was working, they took him back to the room and gave him the sedative. They asked me to stay in the waiting room and I said I'd rather go in with him. The nurse was very clam in explaining to me (I was not very calm) that they don't allow parents back there while the kids are sedated because it distracts the child, making it harder for them to go under. And parents, naturally, have a hard time watching their kid be scared or drugged and often times they interfere with what needs to be done. Or the kids freak out even more when they see that their parents are upset. I wanted to punch her in the face and I was not happy, but I knew she was ultimately right. Maybe because I've worked in a pediatric office and seen parents make things more difficult than they should be, but I realized that no matter what, these cavities HAD to be fixed. And no matter what, it was going to be a scary for my child. And as a mom, I wanted to be there and make sure he was okay. But I had to put my trust in the professionals because it was something that was out of my control. So I spent a VERY uncomfortable 90 minutes in the waiting room, ready to burst through that door and trample anyone in my way if I heard him crying. They told me I could sit with him in the recovery room and when they brought him to me I cried to see him out of it. It was awful. But a few hours later he was fine. The sedative wore off with no complications. He was nervous and scared and he still tells me he will never go there again, but his teeth are fixed. I think it was harder on me than it was him. I would recommend the sedation for sure though. Especially if your daughter is difficult. Ask first for the "sleepy drink." It's just a nice, un-intrusive way to take their edge off and makes the rest of what needs to be done easier.
I guess the point of my endless rant is that we sometimes have to step back and let things happen to our kids, even though it is so hard for us both. Some things are out of our hands. I wouldn't recommend doing it until you are completely comfortable and confident in the professionals that you'll be using. Make sure they know what to expect from her and what you are okay with them doing. I would never have allowed them to forcefully touch my child, (no matter how he acted) and they knew that. Fortunately I found capable and trustworthy people. Do your homework till you find one too. And then just prepare your little girl as best you can. I'm not above bribing my kids with toys, candy or trips to where ever.
Oh my gosh I'm going on and on. I'll stop now. I guess I had a lot to say just because I had a recent experience with it. Best of luck.
Alysia, I appreciate your lack of brevity. And I am definitely going to ask around about a good dentist.
So the sleepy drink makes kids more cooperative? Is that all kids? I know that when my daughter is sleepy, she gets even more unmanageable. I would fear that she'd be worse the sleepier she got. I think she'd have to be unconscious to be cooperative, but I've never seen her drugged, so I can't be sure.
I understand exactly why they'd want parents to stay out. I sometimes have the same problem when I teach my cello students. The parents sometimes want to interfere, especially when their children act out (it's rare). But the best thing is for the parents to be invisible and let me handle it (if I have behavior problems at all, it's usually because of the parents' presence). However, I definitely want parents to be there. It protects me from any falsehoods (not that that has ever happened outside of "my teacher told me to practice five minutes instead of thirty"). I'm not the kind of parent to interfere, or to overreact. In fact, at the doctor's office, I'm the calm one, and it's the nurses and doctors who fuel my daughter's poor behavior with their reactions. I know the kind of parents you're talking about, though, and I'm just not one of them. I wouldn't step in and interfere if my kid was flipping out, if what they were doing was absolutely necessary, but I'd still want to be there. When my middle daughter was seeing a physical therapist, the therapist could only get her to do things if I wasn't in sight. My presence was a distraction. I could see that right away, so I made sure I could see them, but my daughter couldn't see me.
And I think there are certain kids who do better without their parents. For example, my middle daughter will act out when I'm around, but she's really decent with strangers because she's a pleaser. She'd do just fine at the dentist. However, my oldest daughter behaves the best when she knows I'm watching her. There have been times in the nursery (while I was peeking through the window) that I've seen strangers try to correct her, or hold her hand to keep her in check, and she actually screams at them and runs away, all pistons firing. It's a pretty amazing scene. Or even if someone is trying to be nice to her and they cross her invisible boundary, she doesn't just give in like my middle daughter would when she's uncomfortable. She fights, physically and verbally. For the most part, I'm happy she's this way, but for the doctor and the dentist, it's a nightmare.
If I knew that the sleepy drink would make her more cooperative and not more hostile, I wouldn't be worried. Do all kids react the same to the sleepy drink?
That is a great question. The sleepy drink was a drug-induced stupor, not a missed-your-lunch, or just-had-a-bad-day kind of sleepiness. So, I would guess that the mild sedative would still be helpful for her, but of course, I'm no professional. You should definitely ask about it. I've heard about sedatives having the opposite effect on some kids, but that was those with ADHD, which it doesn't sound like should be a problem for your daughter. Maybe you can get an idea of her reaction to it if you can remember how it was when you gave her Benadryl or Nyquil?? Maybe? I don't know.
I hope I didn't sound accusing in my long comment. I wasn't trying to suggest you were an interfering parent. I was only telling of how I had to fight with myself not to interfere for the ultimate good of my kid.
No, no, I didn't think you were accusing me. On the contrary, I'm sorry if I sounded defensive. I understood what you were saying, and I can see the purpose of disallowing parents to be there, because you helped remind me of what some parents can understandably be like. I'm just the exception (don't we all think we are?) and can keep my cool. =)
I wish I knew what my daughter would be like if I gave her Benadryl, but I'm too chicken to give it a try. I've heard that it can have the opposite effect for some kids and stir them up (two of my sisters-in-law found out the hard way), and my daughter is already spring-loaded! I'm afraid if she were any more fiery, I might lose what little sanity I'm hanging on to. When she's sick, giving her Tylenol makes her sleepy in a good way, but I figure it's because she's feeling so relieved that her body gives in to the needed rest. Maybe I'll give her Benadryl when she's on my husband's watch.
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