This weekend we helped our neighbors move as well as worked on our house. They were moving because, Jan the wife has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I realize that this is the worst thing to do for a newly diagnosed patient, however the couple are in their 70's so who am I to tell them what is up? So, a readers digest version, their daughter and son in law live kitty corner from us. They helped out as well. We were invited to go over for a BBQ and swim, thank you dinner at 5:00 pm. The couple that we moved didn't attend because they were exhausted, but their Daughter and son in law, overtook their pool and newly empty house. We didn't want to go, but we wanted to be hospitable. While we were eating I witnessed the worst verbal abuse towards the 10 year old son (of the daughter and son in law) from his father. He swore at him and barked orders and told him to do it this way with lots of profanity. I had to bite my tongue, I am not fond of this gentleman already from previous incidents. I felt uncomfortable so we left shortly after this occurred. Then, we met our friends Paul and Julie who came over with their 5 kids to help us install the A/C unit in our house. While this was happening their adopted son and real son were outside shooting the air soft gun at things, trees, cats, the fence. Anyhow, the daughter of our neighbor saw this and came over running and yelling at this child, we knew that she was drinking (hence the can in her hand) but Mario and I just left their parent's house, she said she hadn't eaten anything. Anyway she was yelling and ranting and raving. Julie and I didn't go outside, because I told Julie, she was probably Drunk because she hadn't eaten anything and had been drinking, since 10:30 that morning! I didn't want to fuel the fire while she was inebriated! So she yelled for about 5 minutes at this adopted child, who was removed from an emotional abusive and physically abusive household and placed with Paul and Julie. This drunk neighbor called the cops on this little 10 year old adopted kid saying that he was shooting cars with a "BB" gun.
I want to say something to this women, but I don't know if it will go anywhere or will have any positive influence or impact on her. I lost sleep over it because I was embarrassed for the yelling woman, her son and Julies' adoptive son. I want to tell her that my heart was broken from listening to her husband yell at her son that way and how dare she allow that to occur! That maybe that was how she talked to her son (doesn't make it right) but that is not how she talks to other children. That, if she has a problem with my guests kids, she needs to take it up with me and the parent of the child. I want to tell her that she may not come onto my property again drunk and yelling or I will get the appropriate authorities involved. I want to tell her that if she needs a friend to talk to or help, that I will help her out.
What do you think, should I leave it alone, is it a moot point?
4 comments:
That is an uncomfortable position to be put in. I have been in similar situations with parents yelling at their kids, etc. I think something should be said. Verbal abuse is just as if not more damaging to a child as physical. There is no doubt that if you witnessed him beat his child someone would have been called. I don't think its any different. I don't envy your position! You never know if stepping in could make a situation worse. Thats a really sensitive area.
That is my feeling, I feel if I say anything it is now a contest. I feel for this little boy and any other child that encounters this couple. I haven't heard her yell at him, but I witnessed her yell at my friends adopted child. I think she drinks to mask the situation, which helps temporarily, but doesn't get rid of the problem, her husband. My dog doesn't even like this man! We wanted to help because our neighbors, Don and Jan have done a lot to help us out. I want to love thy neighbor, but I can't sit back and watch this kid be destroyed! ARRGGGG
Unfortunately, if you don't see any physical abuse, or signs of it, there's nothing you can legally do to protect the kid. And drunk people can't be reasoned with. They're drunk. I think if you were to talk to your neighbor about her inappropriate actions, as well as her husband's, nothing good would come of it for their son. They're not going to change. Your words can't change them. But maybe if you or your husband were to become friends with their son, you could be a good influence on him, or at least provide him a place he feels he can go to if he needs help. That's probably all you can do. And it's totally reasonable for you to ask drunk people to leave your property, and if they don't, call law enforcement. And if you ever see them hit their son, you can call CPS at 800-558-3665. You can remain anonymous if you're worried that they'll retaliate.
I can see them retaliating that is my problem. I don't want to be at war with my neighbors. I am trying this new "show all kinds of love" approach. I can't see any physical damage, but I know there is emotional damage and scarring that has been done to this boy. The look in his face when his father publicly put him down and humiliated him was so sad. His mother in law shook her head, I looked at Mario and said, "now you know why we don't swear and put her down". I was going to go out and approach her but I had a feeling that it would lead somewhere I wasn't ready to go. I didn't want to bash her face in! It was a 105 degree day, she had been drinking and she wasn't worth my time and effort at this point. However, the boy is. I try to talk to him when I see him, but he is untrusting of adults which, I don't blame him. I am so glad they just have the one and can't have any more. The father treats his dogs better than his own son! I am going to keep my eye out for the boy and I am going to leave the mother alone but if she brings it up, I will delve into it with her then. Thanks for the number, I may call just to ask about the verbal abuse.
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