Here's that section of the talk:
Mothers Who Know Are Nurturers (segment taken from Julie Beck's talk in GC)
"Mothers who know are nurturers. This is their special assignment and role under the plan of happiness. To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow. Therefore, mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes. Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate. Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth. Growth happens bet in a "house of order," and women should pattern their homes after the Lord's house. Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work. Helping growth occur through nurturing is truly a powerful and influential role bestowed on women."
Any insights or tips on this topic would be greatly appreciated. I am especially interested in what people have to say that actually have a house of order (April and Stephanie, you know what I am talking about, your houses are always super clean). How does everyone balance the nurturing and housekeeping and keep everyone happy? I must admit for those of Katy's friends who haven't been to my house that I am a terrible housekeeper. I do play with my kids a lot and read to them and make crafts. I taught Aidan how to make rice krispie treats. He did it all by himself and they were delicious. The only chores my kids do are cleaning their rooms, taking out the trash and compost and occasionally mopping or vacuuming. I guess they do yard work with Collin sometimes.
Also, my mom and stepmom are not what I would call the nurturing kind, at least not towards me. For those who don't know my family history, it contains 4 generations of divorce on my mom's side and two on my dad's side. I am pretty much the only active girl in 4 that were baptized. Two of my sisters have never been members of the church and my mom is not a member. I have two bi-sexual sisters and three of my 5 sisters live with their boyfriends. (And that is only the tip of the iceberg folks.) I am the only currently married one. One is divorced. It is lonely to be LDS in my family sometimes.
I didn't learn to cook until after I was married and it was a frustrating to concoct inedible meals so often. Collin employed a lot of tact during our first few years as a married couple.
April and John have been wonderful examples to me. They really live the principles of nurturing and it shows in their home and children. Their kids are all caring, nurturing parents and all around wonderful people. I feel really grateful to have married UP in this respect. Thanks April and John!
I know some of you are not LDS. I hope you are not offended by this post. If you are a mother, you are a nurturer and that is what I want to hear about. Thanks all.
5 comments:
I'm sorry I have no advice for you. I actually am not a huge fan of that talk, it was very intimidating and made me feel inadequate. I think there are so many ways to be a nurturing mother and it doesn't have to include keeping a clean house. Kendall once told me, "You love to clean huh Mama?" No I don't but I must choose that often enough that she thinks I enjoy it. I wish I would have left the impression with her that I love to be with her, that I love to read, or play games. It made me sad that keeping my house clean was such a priority that I would choose it over time with her. A clean house iss good and important but it's certainly not the most important. Her talk says that homemaking means keeping an orderly home but there are sooo many other ways to make your house a home for your family.
I think it's awesome that Aidan made rice krispie treats, I love it when Kendall helps me cook.
Sorry I don't have any advice for your discussion group. Let us know how it goes though.
Hmmm...I don't envy you. I will say this. Sister Beck says a "house of order" (which is straight from the scriptures) NOT a clean house. They are different, aren't they? My house isn't clean by any stretch of the imagination, but I know where everything is, it is safe and sanitary (for the most part :) and it is a comforting place for our family to come home to. Most importantly, it is a place we can feel the Spirit. I'm not going to be offended or feel demeaned by a reminder about how blessed I am to be able to serve the ones I love most in our home. I think Sister Beck has had an awful response to something she was called by the Lord to tell us. One of the things we learn first in the gospel is that we do the best we can and the Lord will make up for the rest. Doesn't that apply to homemaking too? I applaud you that you choose to let chores slip sometimes to spend time with your kids. Both you and them will be happier for it in the end. And you are still teaching them how to work by giving them responsibilities. I think you're doing pretty darn good. That's what I attain to. It's all a balancing act and women in our church are SO hard on themselves if they feel like they've "dropped a ball." I heard someone recently say that anti-depressants are like the Mormon women's daily vitamin. That makes me think that we are putting too much pressure on ourselves and not exercising faith to allow the Lord to do His part. We aren't expected to run the prefect household. We are expected to do our best. Hope that might have been a little helpful in some way. Good luck!
I agree with both of you. When I first heard the talk, I felt a little overwhelmed with what is expected of us. But we know we have a hard job. We have to try to do it all, but we are not expected to do it perfectly. Reading the excerpt from the talk now, I see there is only one sentence about cleaning house. "Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping and orderly home." Homemaking does include cleaning, but it is much more than that. We are told we should pattern our homes after the Lord's house. So I think besides being in order, our homes need to be a place where we can always feel the Spirit, where our kids feel safe, secure, and loved. I know when my house is in order (not spotless, but picked up) I am able to relax more and enjoy my time at home with my kids. It's hard to find the balance though. Isn't that the constant dilemma? Trying to find balance between the many responsibilities we have. I constantly have to remind myself that I don't have to do everything perfectly. I am very far from that, but I do try my best and I trust Heavenly Father to help me the rest of the way.
I love you all! See....this is what I love about Mormons. I completely agree with what the scriptures say of how a mother should be. That's why it's so stressful at times. We have a lot, to live up to. But what a privilege it is!
Coming from a non-member (I thought I was the only one), I agree with everything the four of you said, including Beck. Although, I don't think she meant to say, a tidy house is more important than playing with your children. I think she meant a house needs to be BALANCED with work and play.
I think having a "house of order" can mean many things: a tidy home, a home where the children have responsibilties, a home where children are taught morals and scriptures, a home where love is felt throughout. Moreover, a home has "order" if the home is balanced with all these things, not just a clean home. And it IS much easier to play with your children if you're not constantly tripping over toys or smelling a bad stink in the kitchen.
Tara, just so you know, my house isn't always as clean as you think it is. I have been scrapbooking the past couple days and my house has definitely suffered. I have let stuff go. I choose many times to take my kids to the part rather than clean my house. Although it is sometimes hard for me, I TRY to choose to do the fun things with my children, instead of cleaning or doing laundry. I really think spending time with your children IS the most important thing. Beck probably agrees with me. I think she's just trying to reiterate the responsibilities of a homemaker. As if we don't already know how difficult our job is.
Tara I think you're a wonderful mother and I think it's a good thing you'd rather spend time with your children reading or playing. I'm sure they thank you for it. The time to clean will come later when they're out of the house. O.K. that's a sad thought.
Forgive me if this posts twice, but I tried on the laptop a few hours ago, and it still hasn't shown up. Tara... you and I grew up in similar circumstances. As anyone who knows me, knows... I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family. The life I have lived since I've been married is COMPLETELY different than the life I lived growing up.
I LOVE Sister Beck's talk, and I have come to appreciate it more since she first gave it. I thought she was pretty brave to speak so straightforward about her topic. I could see how it could overwhelm and intimidate, and even annoy some people, but I think she speaks the truth. I think that mothers DO have the most power and influence in the home.
Since my parents divorced when I was a toddler, my mom HAD to work my whole life... sometimes two jobs! Unfortunately, she was gone much of the time, and I missed out on a lot of guidance and nurturing that I needed... desperately.
I'm sure I sound old-fashioned to some people, but my feeling about being a stay-at-home mom and a homemaker has less to do with what we are counseled by our Church leaders, and way more to do with my own experiences growing up.
I think that being a mother is truly a divine calling. It's hard work, but I think it's the most important work we'll ever do... and it's HARD work. It's our job, and we don't often get a lot of credit, understanding, appreciation, or help. Even with all of that... I still found it extremely fulfilling. We all mess up, but I think it's our responsibility to keep trying to do our best. I think it takes a conscious effort to do a good job, too, because not everything about being a mother and a homemaker comes easy OR naturally.
As far as keeping a clean house... I do that for myself. I have so much more patience, comfort, and peace when my house is clean. I'm not talking spotless, either. I just want to know where things are! I feel WAY more relaxed when my house is in order. Also... I wipe things down a lot because I don't like grime, but that's just me.
I don't ever remember feeling lonely because I was the only member in my family. I was just SO grateful that I had the gospel, and was NOT living the kind of life that the rest of my family was living! Plus, I had many Church member friends. I have felt such love from them and other ward members that they all became surrogate family members for me.
I also tried not to feel burdened or overwhelmed by all my responsibilities as a mother. You just do the best you can, right? It's like when get your temple recommend. They don't ask you if you're perfect. They ask if you're honestly STRIVING to live the commandments. It's ALL a line-upon-line, precept-upon-precept process... whether it's the gospel or being a mother. We hang in there and try to do our best.
So... that's "Life According to April." Believe it or not, even though I'm in my 50's... I DO remember how hard it was when I had 4 young children and a husband who was NEVER home. There were many times I cried and cried. Just hang in there Tara... and the rest of you. And... be patient with yourselves.
Post a Comment