Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Love Your Situation

I have been kind of bugged lately because my husband is going to the Dominican Republic to do some service (work in hospitals, dig ditches, etc., Peace Corps. type stuff) with some students with the university. The trip is in March and my 30th birthday falls within the time he will be gone. I wanted so badly to go with him. I felt like it would be awesome to do some real good out in the world on my 30th birthday. But we couldn't find anyone to watch the kids. Everyone in the family was booked. We considered paying a friend, but then decided we didn't feel good about that. So I am not going and I was feeling bad about it. I felt like some of the things I want to do with my life are just not going to happen, ever. Sometimes I feel like I have a boring life. It is good and normal, but lacks in excitement. Occasionally I wish things could be different or better. 


Today I am so grateful for my amazing, wonderful, handsome and hardworking spouse. I am so glad my kids are my kids and that they all have the same dad. I am grateful that I get along with my in-laws. I am grateful that my husband feels like our money is ours and not his. I am grateful that we make major decisions together. I am grateful that there is love in our home, that our kids feel safe and don't doubt that their parents are going to stay together. 
Last Sunday we ended up sitting near the front on the chapel because we were a few minutes late. I noticed a new family sitting on the other end of the pew. I am going to call them the the B family. Sister B (who looks about my age) got up and bore her testimony. She was wearing a really stylish outfit, had a cute haircut and a cute (TALL) figure. She sat back down by Brother B and their son Little B. We introduced ourselves to the B family and I offered to show her around town a little bit. We exchanged phone numbers. 

Sunday night all my kids were sick. I was sick. We spent a feverish Monday in my bed napping and watching cartoons with breaks for eating popsicles or barfing. Tuesday my oldest went to school but my middle and littlest were still crabby, feverish and barfy. I was crabby and achy. I really didn't feel up to taking Sister B around this week. I was still sick. Wednesday comes along and my littlest is still pretty sick. But I kept having this feeling that I should take Sister B around. So I pick her up and we go to the Farmer's Market. We walked around and bought our stuff and I decide I am going to take her home, but then this thought pops into my head (take her to the library). While sitting in the library parking lot she starts to tell me her whole depressing life story and we end up back at my house so I can make cookies for the Cub Scout Pack Meeting tonight while she vents.

She ends up telling me how Brother B is having a midlife crisis and wants to buy himself all kinds of unnecessary things that they can't afford (sports car, designer suits, etc.,). Brother B has also been having an affair for a year. Little B has been raised by Brother B, but is not his birth father (he was 10 months old when they met) and now Brother B is acting like he could care less if he has Little B or Sister B in his life at all. He travels a lot and Sister B never knows whether it is truly for work or if he is seeing the other woman. They have separate bank accounts and the Bs each pay for their own stuff. Brother B told Sister B that he likes to flirt because it makes him feel attractive. Sister B doesn't know if her marriage will work out and doesn't know if it is worth saving. I feel so terrible for her. I can't imagine being in a situation that feels so hopeless and out of control.  

Ladies, BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE! Love your life. Realize that what you have is precious. People envy your happy marriages, beautiful children and most of all stability. 
My older sister's marriage didn't work out and she is now back in school so she can get a job and support herself. We were talking on the phone the other night and she was telling me how she still goes to concerts and on spur of the moment trips, etc., and I said something like, "what would that be like?" She said, "I can't believe you just said that when you are living the Mormon dream." She went on and basically counted my blessings for me and they were numerous. 

So read your kids that extra book tonight and later make out with your husband. Your life is good. Live it and love it.


Grammy A said...

I totally agree with "being grateful for what you have," Tara. I think people mistakenly think that there is something better out there. A more understanding spouse... more excitement... a better life... whatever. It isn't until people lose it all (by making a terrible mistake), that they realize that they really do want the life they have... but sometimes it's too late. That doesn't mean that we can't do what President Hinckley has has counseled us to do and "be a little kinder, be a little better... " You get my drift.

Kirsten said...

That is so sad and I'm totally ticked at 'Brother B'. We really are lucky, it's nice to be reminded of that. I had a moody week last week and Dave brought me and Kendall each a flower one day after work because he wanted to make me happier. How lucky I am to have a husband who loves me and our children like that. I don't think I'm strong enough to get through what you've described.

Dave will appreciate your advice on making out with your husband. :)

Stephanie said...

Gosh, her sad story really does put things into perspective. Although Aaron and I want to box eachother sometimes (mostly me, Aarons too nice) we know how fortunate we are to have each other. We are both so thankful we love eachother after all these years. Yes girls, we've been together over 12 years and our love is SO strong.

Law school has been REALLY hard on us, not like what we though it would be. Just recently we were talking about how well we are coping with this time in our life, and I must say I credit it all to our powerful and sincere love.

I can't say that all married couples with kids could last through law school. In fact, I think the divorce rate during this time is really high. They warned him early on. But because we have been able to lean on eachother and vent when we're unhappy or frusterated, we managed to make it work. I guess we've taken this for granted.

People give up too easily. Brother B just thinks there's better fish in the water. He's going to get a big reality check soon. Poor Sister B. There is only so much a person can take, regardless of their vows, and regardless if they're Mormon.

All YOU can do is be a friend to her and listen when she needs someone to talk to. All Colling needs to do is kick Brother B's ASS! Sorry Mormon gals, it's deserving!

Stephanie said...

Excuse me, I mean "Collin," not Colling. I'm funny.

Thomas Family said...

What a sad story. You never know what someone is going through, do you? I had a visiting teaching partner that I thought I knew and we were out one day and she starts telling me how her husband is an alcoholic and quit his job and was partying all the time with his friends. She was 8 months pregnant with a 2 year old and NO family around. She told him she would stay till the baby was born so he could meet it, then she was leaving. And he STILL didn't shape up! I can't imagine.
It is good to gain a little perspective sometimes, isn't it? We really are blessed.